How to connect with an introvert

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Connecting with an introvert requires timing. It implies approaching them sincerely and without artifice to discover that they can be excellent conversationalists. We will also realize that under that sometimes distant appearance lives a person who knows how to listen, who avoids gossip, fills us with enthusiasm and who forms strong and loyal ties.

If we briefly review the literature on introversion, we will realize one aspect. It was not until 2010 when this type of personality put aside its negative image to demonstrate , thanks to books like Silence, the Power of Introverts, a whole series of virtues and characteristics that make this profile a whole potential to discover…

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“Shyness is the fear of social disapproval or humiliation, while introversion is a preference for environments that are not the most stimulating. Shyness is intrinsically painful; introversion is not.

-Susan Cain-

In 1935, the psychologists Davis and Rulon published a study where, for the first and only time until the beginning of the year 2000, they spoke of the interests of introverted people. They were not defined by social withdrawal, as many thought, nor were they the exact reverse of the extroverted personality .

On the contrary, they had enough skills to get involved in the objectives of any society. Their commitment to their ideals and their great gifts as conversationalists distinguished them.

This last piece of information was harshly criticized at the time. In those years, introversion was associated with that pathological shyness where the person lacks social skills. To this day, that idea has already been banished. Above all for a detail that we cannot forget: introversion is not a unitary trait. Each of us is located at a point within the continuum between introversion-extroversion.

How to connect with an introvert person?

We already know that introversion is not the same as shyness. We also understand that in this type of personality there are no deficiencies in terms of social skills, or withdrawal, or any pathological component that makes it difficult for us to connect with them. In reality, what defines them are a series of behavioral dynamics that go together with their mental approach, their emotions,, and even with a brain that processes information differently. Let’s see it: 

  • They prefer quiet surroundings. They do not avoid socializing or meetings with large groups of people, however, this type of scenario with a great excess of stimuli exhausts them psychologically.
  • They are introspective, observant, and imaginative.
  • They are few friends, they prefer small circles of friends with whom to establish strong and meaningful ties.
  • They prefer deep conversations, they don’t like gossip, or attract attention.
  • They are retailers.
  • They move by intrinsic motivation, they are faithful to their values, they do not need to get along with everyone.
  • They have artistic passions: music, writing, and drawing…

Knowing this line of tastes, behaviors, and dynamics that outline the introverted person, let’s now see what keys can help us connect with them.

How-to-connect-with-an-introvert-person-1024x683 How to connect with an introvert

1. Go slowly, respect time and communication channels

To connect with an introverted person we must understand one aspect. His world goes at a different pace, slower, more serene, more prudent. Therefore, we must avoid that first contact where we impose our presence, overwhelm with a monologue and end up asking for their phone number. All of this is a mistake.

The ideal is to accept their rhythm, their times. A successful approach is to start with a contact where a topic that is of interest to both parties comes up. It’s also important to understand that there are certain channels of communication that introverts tend to avoid. They don’t like regular phone calls. Better messages and better spaced, without pressure, without stress.

2. An onion with interesting layers

Introverts have many layers. They are like an onion that hides an interior that is as valuable as it is bright. Knowing how to reach them to connect authentically requires not only respecting time but gradually removing layers. Something like this requires a great dimension on our part: trust.

Only if we are sincere, close, humble,, and consistent at all times will we be able to establish a good friendship/relationship with that person.

3. Don’t make them the center of attention

Avoid preparing surprise parties and do not organize his/her birthday where the guests pack a room and he/she is the center of attention. Something like this would work with an outgoing personality, but not with this profile. Create special moments where everything is simple and spontaneous, where there are the right people, where you don’t feel pressure, or other people’s looks, or have to feel forced to do something that makes you uncomfortable.

4. Meaningful conversations

Avoid monologues or superficial dialogues. In these cases, said profile will attend you politely, but will not be listening to you. To connect with an introverted person, choose more intelligent, deeper topics… Without a doubt, the ideal is to discuss common interests with that person, such as books, television series, goals, projects, etc., ​​that unite you both.

5. Pleasure for silences

Sharing silences with another person can lead to magical moments. Because it is in those moments where trust lives, where everyone allows themselves to be naturally, without having to force anything, neither attitudes nor conversations. Thus, to connect with an introverted person, there is nothing better than looking for quiet environments where that calm predominates, where silence creates the link between the two and that complicity that can last a lifetime.

6. Respect spaces

There is no reason to meet every day or call every two hours. There is no need to explain everything we do or don’t do. Introverted people need their spaces of solitude to charge energy, to nourish themselves, to balance their solitude with their tastes and passions. Just because they act like this doesn’t mean they love us less, either as friends or as a couple.

Connecting with an introvert can be easier than we think. Even more, if something that will be above all it is satisfactory. They are treasures in the depths with which we have the opportunity to establish extraordinary bonds.

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